Saturday, October 25, 2008

Vegas "Vacation", Part 4 - Who the F is Danny Gans?

The conference room I'm in at the Mirage is across from the Danny Gans theater.
There are posters everywhere you look it seems touting his entertainment genius.
He's billed as Vegas's best comedian as well.

The clips they play of him though, beg to differ.

He's awful.
It's basically bad impressions and - he sings while he impersonates - and his album is called My Lord, My Life.

This dude's got his own theater named after him to showcase his crap - where's my theater??

So, who is Danny Gans?
My nemesis.

Vegas "Vacation", Part 3 - The Beatles Love Bar

There are some things that actually do cater to me here in Vegas.
One major one is the show Love.

I was quite the Beatles fan in my youth, at times I even styled myself like John Lennon (long hair and round glasses), and learned about bright blue eyeshadow from the scandalous Mrs. Pattie Boyd Harrison- Clapton.

Unfortunately, as much as I love the Beatles, I also really like eating and living in an apartment, so I can't really afford to see the spectacular show which is in the Mirage where I'm staying.

I was willing to go to the Beatles-themed bar Revolution in lieu of the show.
My image of the bar was a haven of Beatles music, pictures of the Beatles, perhaps even Beatles-themed drinks. (Perhaps a fun fruity drink called Octopus's Garden)

Unfortunately, the bar is really just a pink/purple lit lounge with over priced drinks and standard music playing. I did still enjoy hanging out there with my co-workers and my $13 Maker's Mark on ice.

And I must say, the music throughout the hotel, not just the bar, is really very good. There are many cameras around the hotel which have captured me dancing around. Especially in the elevator. Who knew? Elevator music can be good!

Vegas "Vacation", Part 2 - Fountains

When you're in Vegas one of the things people tell you that you simply must do is go see the fountains at the Bellagio.
Being the skeptic that I am, I'm thinking:
Ooooh a fountain. Been there, run through that. No big whoop.

Then, as I was passing it I heard the music, and saw how the streams of water shoot up in beautiful synchronicity and was quite honestly wowed.

It made me start looking at the entire town differently. It is extremely bizarre all the grandiose architecture ripped from the greats around the world, but it's also kinda cool to see it all piled up in one crazy place.

As for "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" it officially went to the point of absurdity when at the cocktail hour for work (I know I have such a tough job) one of the servers at the food station pointed to a wasabi mayo and said it was a perfect pairing with the dumplings.

"I'm not really supposed to have spicey food," I say cautiously, wantingly staring at the green mayo.

"Well, it is Vegas, whatever happens here stays here."

Apparently, it's not just actions, now it's also ailments.
I'm gonna go run through some siringes now - this really is a magical place!

...ok I'm not really gonna run through siringes, but I feel like they'd have that around here, it might be "off strip" but they have it.

I'm gonna go to my all day meeting now.
I'm wild!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Vegas "Vacation", Part 1 - The 501st Choice

I'm in Vegas this weekend for a conference for work.
I love going to these work conferences. It's fun to see new cities and meet the writers I often only ecommunicate with.
But if you were to ask me to name 500 places I'd want to go visit, Vegas wouldn't be on the list. There's something about it that seemed to me to be like Midtown on crack.

I tried to get into the spirit though. Before the trip I took lessons on blackjack from one the writer's, and I booked a ticket on the "fun, sexy airline" Virgin.

But as soon as I landed here this afternoon, I wanted to turn around and go back to New York.

Maybe it was because the cab line was longer than that of JFK and it was go see fake New York that irked me. We drove along highways that advertised shows with inflated prices, hotels that all seem so excessive, and then we get to our hotel, The Mirage.

It's lovely here, but there are so many tourists, and they all walk sooo slooow.
The food is more over priced, except Orbit gum seems to be the same price, which is good.

I should also mention I don't really gamble. So the slot machines just kinda serve as a walk through headache.

In hopes of easing my misanthropic angst co-worker Dennis and I went to lunch at BLT, an amazing burger place in the Mirage. The burger was delicious, as was the beer we got in hopes of mellowing me. Now I just kinda feel like a bloated misanthrope.

Maybe I'm just over tired.
Whatever it is, I have to turn this frown upside down and find some good in this town. Cause I'm here until Monday and my goal is to have as much fun as possible.
I guess it's time to order that whore, or make nice to a business traveler.
(thanks for the advice Willy B)

I think I'll just settle for doing what I love doing when I travel. Watching local news on a comfy bed.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Debbie Says The Darndest Things

I called my pal Debbie last night to catch up and make plans to see each other because I miss my former college roommate's face. The following is a transcript of one portion of our call:

Me: So, yeah we went on a date and had a great time.

Debbie: I'm really happy for you!

Me: Don't you wanna ask me anything else about him?

Debbie: How does he feel about domestic abuse?

Me:....(laughter) I was thinking more about what does he do for a living, but I am pretty sure he's anti domestic abuse.

Debbie: Well, it's important to find out about that kinda thing early.

I think Debbie maybe watching too much Lifetime.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Do's and Dont's of Comedy

Last night I was reminded of things not to do as a comedian when booked on a show.
I will list them now so we all learn:

-Do Not arrive an hour into the show
-Do Not talk with your friends in the back loudly
-Do Not insist on doing time if the host says the show is tight and might not be able to put you up and offers you a better spot next time.
-Do Not "make fun" of a person in a coma by saying "He's dead." and then turn on the audience of the coma patient's friends when they don't find this amusing
-Do Not blame the host for your poor performance
The proper etiquette is:

-Show up on time
-Be a courteous audience member and listen. If you need to talk to a friend, whisper or remove yourself from the venue.
-Listen carefully to what the host says to you regarding the show
-Never turn on the audience
-Don't do jokes about an illnesses unless you can do so in a personal manner. Even then you toe the line of depressing the fuck out of people. The point of comedy is levity, not being a fucking offensive asshole.

It's funny but I learned that even so-called "professionals" have no idea of these basics.
It just goes to show you that common courtesy is just the best way to go in any setting, and if you lack that, you're gonna end up losing.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

It's Fall, and I Eat Too Much Bacon

This morning I switched from iced coffee to hot coffee,
I also wore a t-shirt, skirt and no coat and froze my ass off.
It's officially Fall!

I also have been eating a lot of bacon lately
and not at all have I been satisfied with the bacon I've eaten
I'm chasing the bacon taste when it's done to perfection -
Big Sis Jen Z and Greg make the absolute best bacon ever
they have this great pan for it, and they put a screen over the pan..

I need to get married, for nothing else but the kitchen supplies.