Sunday, September 28, 2008

An Open Letter to My Neighbors

I've been home the past three days with flu-like symptoms, after I tried to battle off a cold all week.
I'm exhausted, running a slight fever, and experiencing more of neighbors than I'm used to.
I'm used to coming home at 11pm (or later) and passing out, waking up around 7am and leaving shortly after.

So, all this time home has really made me want to say a few things to them. But since my throat is killing me and I'm not a confrontational person I will say it all here.

Dearest Neighbors,

I'm really happy that you get to spend so much time at home. It's good to know you enjoy your apartment.

I am also excited that you, too, love Madonna. As much as I enjoy the Immaculate Collection, I really think you're trying to push me over the "Borderline" here with how often and loud you're playing it.

If there is one small favor I could ask of you, could you please move the cart you use to load up all your groceries in? It's blocking the delivery guys who are coming to my door.
Oh? The delivery guys are bugging you. Well, maybe I wouldn't be so hungry if you weren't constantly grilling. I love a cook-out as much as anyone, but you seriously have grilled food every single day, for almost every meal. I think the only reason you skip breakfast is because you're busy outside hanging out your underwear, which is lovely, but -um, still not quite clean.

Thanks so much for being my neighbor. Perhaps, now that we're in contact - I could come to a bbq? Maybe the one you are having between 7-8? Well, if not that one I'm sure there will be another at 9.

Your Neighbor,
Sue Funke

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