Saturday, May 03, 2008

I’m Not Your Guy, Buddy

An Open Letter to My Male Friends:

Here’s the thing pals, I’m a woman. I dunno if you’ve realized this. Apparently not, because there’s a running theme with us which is:

“I never even thought of dating you, you’re like one of the guys.”

While I love being “one of the guys”, come on guys! I’ve been wearing dresses for a year now. What more must I do to prove femininity?! I mean dudes -I have a hair, make-up, and jewelry routine every morning. Do the other guys, too?

Even though I enjoy sporting events, and making fun of stupid girls, and hate Sex in the City (don’t hold it against me ladies, that show just sucks. It’s an abomination to women, but let’s not get “Carried Away” here.) I’m still an emotional woman who gets upset by words.

So, let’s just try this again shall we?

How about something like, “Dating you crossed my mind, but then I saw a cheeseburger… and all of the sudden we were friends.”

That would be more acceptable than, you’re never a woman to me.

I love you guys though, that is probably my downfall. I enjoy joking around about sex, watching the game with a beer, and not talking about how my day made me feel when it’s been ‘a tough one’ but rather chill out and shoot the shit. But I’m doing it wearing a dress, so I’m still a girl, and you’re still a guy… I’m not asking any of you to fall for me.

What I’m asking you though, is it to just realize that you should at least for a moment act like there was a “Oh, Sue’s a pretty gal, maybe…” crossed your mind. So this way I don’t spend our time hanging out together being all, “Wah, I’ll never meet a guy.”
And you having to say, “Nah, don’t say that. Blah, blah, blah, good person, great guy yadda, yaddi…”

And we can get back to more pressing things.. like working on my fantasy baseball league that’s tanking.

Thanks bros,
Sue Funke

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