Wednesday, February 13, 2008

iPod Earbuds Confirm: My Ears are Freakish

I have lived in New York for an entire year without an iPod.

All natives understand how absolutely awful this could be. The sounds of the city are really nothing you should walk around concentrating on day in and day out.
I made it through this hard year thanks to writing comedy, buddy Tom, and alcohol.
(Can you tell it’s awards season?...I’d also like to thank all the annoying songs that got stuck in my head.)

After moving and clearing out my bank account with the cost of moving,
I was living off of oatmeal and vending machines in my budget.
But then, a magical thing occurred – I got my security deposit back.
Now, I could’ve paid off credit card debt, or tax debt that I owe Mama Funke
(…Thanks New York City!)

Instead, I bought a new iPod Nano
Like a good frivolous indebted-American.

I set a spending limit, but then went $50 over that maximum for 4 more GB
And for AIDS research thanks to “Project Red”.
I then realized as I walked out with a super cute red iPod
-that I probably could’ve given a lot more to Project Red if I went with the plain model that was 4GB less and just donated the difference.

Oh well.
I’ll spend some more money on some new songs, iTunes here I come!

I used to have a good taste in music people. I really did.
It was all classic rock, and diverse and really based in intricate sound analysis.
The first songs I buy at the iTunes store?

“Gimme More” by Britney Spears
“Feedback” by Janet Jackson

I guess this is growing up? I’m in that “I love dance music!” phase of single feminine adulthood.
I wonder if next year I’ll download a lot of Barry White and smooth jazz?

I also purchased Kanye West’s new album, which is very good –
A nice finish to his last two CD’s, I enjoy his themes, and it shows growth.

Now, I can listen to these songs everywhere I go!
Walking around town, down the streets where I live, up the subway stairs.
Oh! Wait! The f’in ear buds fell out again.

I see people all over town wearing them.
They have no where near the frustrations I have.
They don’t walk around constantly replacing them.
I’m the only one that seems to have to continuously shove them in my ears.

It’s annoying, painful, and all I can keep thinking is –
I’m a freak.
My ears are somehow differently shaped than the entire world.
I'm an elf, or some part nymph with these weird tiny, bumpy, ears.

Then, I simmer down, and become reasonable.

Whatever, there are other people who probably don’t fit the round annoying iPod mold.
These people probably just have to go to the store and buy new headphones.
Oh! For crying out loud!.
Now I have to go buy some flippin’ head phones.

~Sue Funke is an Associate Editor, Stand Up Comedian, and life long lover of music. She currently resides in an apartment that is lacking window shades, and is absolutely in enamored with her iPod Nano…no matter what it’s costing her.

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