Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Even in a Virtual World, I Attract Losers

I signed up for a personals site.
I don't know why.
I guess maybe I thought I'd get to go out on another date on the next free weekend I have (Which is in March) or something.
Well, I can safely say that one weekend will be free because only losers seem to be attracted to me.

Here's a quick run-down if you're new here.
Last Guys I dated:
Most Recent Suitor - Thought I was planning our wedding when I was following up on his "Let's definitely hang out this weekend" request.

Suitor Before Recent -Is quite possibly retarded. He contacted me recently online with a message that had ghetto kindergarten grammar skills. The closing of this note? "I miss ur ass..."

Can you believe I didn't go running back to that Casanova? My standards are oh so high!

Suitor Before the Retard- Told me he was dying and had to break it off so he wouldn't hurt me. He has yet to die, though I believe he is still a living, breathing dork wad.

Guys I could have off this personal service (changed slightly to protected the anonymously retarded):

HeyLadyzzBK writes: "I'm lookin' for ladies in the NYC area to just be pals with, and eventually, if you're good in bed, have a lasting relationship with."

Oh, let me practice my kegels.

KingLookin4Queen writes: "Yo profile is hot and so is ur pic. Hit me up baby."

With eloquence such as this, how do I resist?

Well, at least I can search through all my matches...

What's that?
There are zero matches?

Who is looking for a gal like me?

First one that comes up, I shit you not: NEGalWillDo42

It's the universe telling me to stay single.
I should've gotten the hint when Pink came home with two kittens.

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