Saturday, January 19, 2008

Don't Say That Word to Me

Ok, TV, I love you. I am totally, and completely in love with you.
But, I have one request. Stop running those H&R commercials.
You're killing me.

I was recently asked what my biggest fear is. This was spurned from an excellent post from Raquel D'Apice's blog, The Ugly Volvo entitled Let's All Be Afraid of This Together.

My reply:
Tax Season

I absolutely abhor taxes. I'm pretty sure I've over paid the past three years I've done my own.
How I've been able to do my own taxes is simple:

-I wait until April
-I hyperventilate at least three times while reading the "Easy Online" programs.
-I call a family member crying that I just don't get it
-I ponder over word and sentences meanings for hours
-I curl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth for a while
-I ask my roommate Tom questions, he gives me answers that I'm pretty sure are illegal
-I drink and cry a little looking at my computer and all the papers, wondering where all the money went.
-I look at my bank account and try to figure out how I'm going to pay the government
-I consider running to another country, one that doesn't charge me for a war I don't believe in and has a health care program that isn't based on capitalism.
-I put it in the mail, check the mail box ten times and walk away unable to exhale.
-I have nightmares that I did it all wrong, I get audited and the government finds out I've spent all my money on food, beer, and cable TV and I'm thrown in jail.

Sure, this could all be due to my ignorance of the tax system. "Take a class!" people say.
Um, I can't even stand thinking about this right now - do you really think I'm gonna go voluntarily into a classroom to listen to this stuff?
It's too scary.
I'd really rather watch Poltergeist, Nightmare on Elm Street, and all of the Halloween movies back to back by myself in an abandoned light house-
And I HATE scary movies.

So, if you wanna file your taxes and chat about it - please lower your voice.
And TV, stop playing those commercials. They make me so nervous!!!

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