Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I'm So Tired Of America

"I literally sat down before dinner one day and five minutes later the whole thing was there. So I just consider myself more of the messenger of a general pathos, really: what's happened to the democracy and with this war. I'm just stating the obvious at this point. It's more kind of a healing gesture, really. It's more getting through the stages of mourning."

~Rufus Wainwright

I am not a huge fan of Mr. Wainwright.

I know one song a friend put on a mix tape for me
"Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk"
which I really only thought he put on the tape
because we both smoked cigarettes
and enjoyed occassional beverages such as chocolate milk,
but really it's cause it's a great song,
and thanks to youtube, the video is shown below:


I love this song*.

You can play it as you read this,
but I suggest taking it in when you can enjoy the performance,
that way you'll get hooked.

Well when I saw the name Rufus Wainwright under reviews
I completely forgot about that song and his connection with it.

I read this statement, "I'm so tired of America", on Salon.com
and responded, "me too!"

So I read on about Mr. Wainwright
and found that his statements regarding this
"controversial line"
were really quite honest about how certain Americans are feeling.

I used to really be into America,
into democracy,
but it's really just let me down.

This was my first Memorial Day having personally known a fallen soilder.
And the only thing I could think of doing was grilling and drinking a beer.
I had no patriotic feeling except for, "Damn, Sam Adams is great".

To personify it
I feel as if America is that friend
that has completely lost it's way
that is partying way too hard for it's own good
and I'm just tired of it ignoring all of it's problems,
there's no reasoning with America these days
the nation needs to go to rehab.

But since there's no national rehab program
and it would probably say no no no anyway
we can all just go to bars and drink and sing this song:


*And for those of you who know of my struggles
with quitting cigarettes

just a check in here
I haven't smoked a full cigarette
from time to time I take drags
and think, "This is disgusting".
No plans on picking up a packs.
Also - I smell fantastic as a non-smoker.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

New Projects

alternative title: Why I'm not blogging.

TRASH.

TRASH is a sketch comedy show I'm working on with my buddy
Ben Kissel.

So, this weekend instead of writing funny stories on the blog.
I'm writing funny short sketches.

Hope to get them taped so I can put them on this blog.

But, for those of you who would like to come see what
Funke sketch comedy is like
Check out the details on Sue Funke Comedy.

AND
Coming Soon - A new blog with only TV reviews. I'll still be writing here, but I'm working on a new blog, keep reading The Sue Funke for updates on that.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I Love TV More Than You

Sweeps you've really balled me over here.
I can't believe how amazing TV has been lately.
I'm completely in love with the following shows:

1. Heroes

I thank a great cast, writers, and a supportive network for this amazing show.

Yes, it is X-men done TV Drama.
But, it's totally compelling television. Maybe I'm partial because it's in HD
and it's beautiful. But, it's also well written, and has great storylines.
There has yet to be a "Filler" episode that doesn't propell at least one hero's storyline.

2. The Sopranos
This season has kind of been exactly like the trailer...

is it over yet?
Oh, everything comes to an end...well can you get there already?
The first three installments
were like watching a never ending freight train pass before you.
Sure there were some interesting moments, but mostly you just wanted the end.
Episode 83: Kennedy and Heidi made me scream, and hit the rewind button.
The new levels of psychopath that Tony and now AJ have reached
are mesmerizing.
Thank you very much Mr. Chase. I should not have doubted you.

3. LOST
Last week was the week to step up, and LOST led the way.

Thank you very my LOST rainbow writers.
This show has had it tough. ABC doesn't nurture this show.
It's doing the killing dance by changing times, and taking way too long between seasons.
LOST survived itself this week and actually had a great episode from beginning to end.
I'd say more but I know that there are people who would hate me for spoiling
their rainy dvd weekend.

4. The Offfice (American)
Ok, first of all let's give credit where credit's due:

But the American version has become a hilarious show with it's own original voice.
I also think last week's Survivor Spoof episode held one of the show's best moments:
Pam's walk over the coals moment of truth.

5. My Name is Earl
It's not a show about a hick, it's a show about karma.
And the entire cast could read me the back of my cracklin' oat bran
and I'd be entertained. The latest episodes on adulthood have been particularly
enjoyable. This whole season has been stellar sitcom. If you're not watching,
at least buy the dvds so you know how right I am.

Shows I've hated recently:
House - wtf? I don't care about your romances, I want someone who's hella sick to be cured by a grumpy good looking man. If I wanted sappy romantic doctors I'd watch Grey's Anatomy.
Grey's Anatomy - That two hour episode - oy! Talk about not caring about storylines, mixing a pilot episode with an episode of your hit series for a two hour spin-off attempt - another bad move for ABC.
Family Guy - It's lost something. There have been funny moments, but I think South Park exposed it and it's had trouble finding it's place again. Prove me wrong Family Guy!

Ok, I would go on about this stuff, but I gotta go watch more TV.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Drip, drip, drop.. dry.

I love to drink.

In college I got caught with vodka and rum
and I had to go to a meeting on alcohol awareness
(read: dormitory AA)

They had these upbeat counselors who asked all us kids,
"Who here drinks just because they like the taste of alcohol,
not to get drunk?"

Me and the kid who was 25, that got caught buying beer for minors, raised our hands.

I love yummy, fun, tastey alcohol.

But,
my stomach pretty much hates everything I love.

So, my friends,
Jack, Sam, Bud, Yuengling,
my Chardonnay amore
you hurt me too much for me to love you like I do.
I am going to have to take another month off from you.

Adieu
~

Tune in Next Week on
The Sue Funke

to read about my break up with Cingular...if I'm strong enough.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Tales From the Sick Belly

The doctors kept asking me if I could be pregnant.
I told them, "I haven't had sex this year".

The doctor looked at me waiting for more of the response.
I replied, "it shouldn't count if it was only 5 seconds".

Five pee tests and two sonograms also showed that there was no baby.
I started having dreams that I was having an ovarian cyst baby.

I told my friend Jen this,
she said I should name my first album

Ovarian Cyst Baby