Saturday, March 31, 2007

I'm getting better everyday?

I'm able to sit up now.
I can write.
I have a more energy.

There is still pulsating pain and never ending discomfort.

...and no solid diagnosis.

Prognosis - this could take another month...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

We Make Plans, God Laughs

There's a magnet on my mother's refrigerator that says that.
I'm house sitting/recovering here.

So, I wake up in the morning,
walk slowly down the stairs,
across the cool kitchen floor,
get some nice apple juice and apple sauce out of the fridge for breakfast,
and that sign is like a little magnetic slap to the face from God.
God taunts me because I make fun of him publicly.

This blog could also be titled: "The Nightmare Never Ends"

I had a cyst rupture, but then I was still sick last week.
So I had to go to another doctor, then back to the hospital.

I've been to the hospital twice for abdominal pain.
Both times they released me with papers that read
YOUR EXAM HAS NOT REVEALED THE CAUSE OF YOUR ABDOMINAL PAIN.

Like it's my fault that I can't sit up without feeling like my insides are collapsing
MY exam didn't tell them what's wrong.

Finally, two specialists (gastroenterologists) took a guess,
"Your intestines are in spasm due to a viral bug you picked up.
The bug was minor, but the aftermath is messing you up.
Two months eat a bland diet
Take these pills
and no pain meds.
...we need to see you in a week to see how you're progressing."

Well now I'm just in a constant dull pain.
When I eat I either feel nauseous, or the food grinding through my body.
I don't eat much.

I'm trying to convince myself this is just my diet to get on the next cycle of
America's Next Top Model.

My entire chubby belly hurts with just the slightest pressure applied to it.
It's really hard to sleep.
There's no real comfy place, more like a position of tolerable pain.

At night it takes me a while to drift to sleep
Twice during this ordeal i laid in a bed
and drifted
in and out of moments of this medical mayhem
and then I wake up and realize
Nope, this isn't a nightmare.
This is really happening.

I am able to sit up for a couple of hours at a time now.
So, at least I can get some work done.

I haven't done any stand up.
I haven't even been out of the house much.

I have watched a lot of television though,
and I will get better.

Just as soon as we know for sure what's wrong.
And I finally get my strength back.

I hope to be back to NYC soon,
but for now,
I am not making any plans.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

It's Been A While or "Ruptured Cyst"

The following is a fuzzy transcript of a telephone call
that took place on March 15th, 2007.

THE SUE FUNKE
Hi, you busy? You sound busy.

BIG SIS JEN Z
Kinda, but you sound like something is wrong. What's wrong?

THE SUE FUNKE
I'm at Mom's. I got real sick this week. In and out of the hospital-
I had a cyst freaking explode in me.

BIG SIS JEN Z
So that's why you haven't updated your blog!

THE SUE FUNKE
Well, that, and I had a big show at Carolines,
and I had that work function in San Diego.

BIG SIS JEN Z
Yeah,
but it has been a while since you've posted...





-I'm still healing.

There will be many stories
after recovery.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

NYC Ruins Fast Food For me

Now that I can't eat cheese, eating is really hard for me.

But, I've been able to keep some staples in my diet.

Like Taco Bell and Boston Market.

But, NYC rats are trying to take this away from me -

By taking over my favorite Taco Bell and Boston Market.

Rats!