Friday, December 28, 2007

Favorite Celebrity Mug Shots of 2007

Well, it's been a heck of a year at celebrity gossip watch. I mean, we've all kept Perez Hilton in Manic Panic money this year checking out all the retardation of famous people.

In honor of a year spent looking at The Superficial every lunch hour, because I'm ugly, I am going to share with you my favorite celebrity mug shots of 2007:

ALL of the below fucktards got arrested for driving drunk. They can all afford limo drivers. They can afford helicopter chauffeuring probably. But, ya know it's totally cool to put everyone's life at risk and drive high and drunk in LA. This is why I love NYC. We have the decency to take a cab.

Oh Paris, if you're not banging someone on film you're driving drunk. Well, at least she spent some serious jail time thinking about what she did. Now, she has a Mom hair cut and wants to help the world. Way to turn it around! Maybe next year you'll only come out with hand job videos and dance on bars for charity.

I know you're not a teenager anymore Lindsay. The thing is, you do all these movies where you act as a teenager, and then you go out and try to act like a big girl. Like your role model Paris. Don't worry. One day you'll slow down and get a hair cut too.

Here's a tip Mischa, eat before you drink. Maybe if you had something to soak up the alcohol they'd only catch you for the drugs. I know it's hard for you now that the OC is over and you just have to live off that modeling money. But come on, follow the white lines on the road, not the mirror.

I wish I was there when Kiefer Sutherland was pulled over. I bet he was like, "The terrorist made me do it! You don't understand we've got preciously little time, don't you hear that clock ticking!?"

Ok, now I know this isn't a mug shot. It is just one waiting to happen.
Take her kids, please.
On a bright side, she's making Paris Hilton look less useless.

Great work being role models guys! Best of luck drying out in '08!

Charlottesville Shuttle

This blog could also be titled:
Ok, Jen You Were Right
Get Your Tickets Now for the NYC Shuttle

I left work on Friday not looking forward to traveling to my sister's.

Don't get me wrong here. I absolutely love going to my sister's. She lives in central Virginia in a place where there's local stores, a lake, vineyards, rolling hills, fresh air, stars in the night sky (pretty much the only lights), and friendly neighbors. It's a wonderful break from NYC.

But Jen's house is approximately 9 hours away. I usually take Amtrak and it's hellish. Penn station is miserable enough because of the trip to dreaded midtown.

So, when I walked out of the office all I trudged the two blocks and one avenue over to the quiet meat packing district. It was cold and windy and I dreaded waiting for this stupid bus to come.

And then, it happened.

The bus was there. The driver was friendly and so was everyone on the bus. As we pulled away everyone introduced themselves. People were warm and genuinely nice. I ended up sitting next to a lovely woman who knew one of my co-workers. We spoke for four hours straight.

There was free sandwiches, coffee, tea and homemade cookies, internet access, and plenty of leg room.

The ride was smooth and fast. I got to Charlottesville at 12:30 am - after only 7 hours on the bus.

Now, that might seem like a crazy, "only seven hours". I've taken the train and it's taken 10 hours, I was sitting by the door freezing, and had to wait an hour in Penn for the train to arrive.

I am converted.

I love this bus and intend to use it again and again. It's affordable, friendly, and it takes me to one of my favorite get aways ever- Charlottesville.

I'm glad I live in NYC, but it can get annoying here sometimes. Now, I know I can get away to hang out with my sister and her awesome family in affordable, comfortable manner.

Thank you NYC Shuttle and Jen for talking me into taking the bus.

Her exact sell was, "Sue, I know you'll love it. I can see you blogging about it now."

What can I say?
The woman knows me.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

War on Christmas?

In WW1 there was a truce.

We've regressed.

Bill O'Reilly will tell you there is still a war on Christmas. But he is referring to the fact that because Christmas is a Christian holiday some people find it easier to say happy holidays in lieu of Merry Christmas so they don't offend people of different religious beliefs. And of course this means war! -- to someone like Bill O'Reilly.

Sadly though, there is a real war on Christmas.
When you read stuff like "Suicide Bomber Kills # at Funeral" it makes you realize that the war on words is probably just about the stupidest piece of news around.

This Christmas, I'm in Virginia with my sister and her husband and kids. My mom got them all the toys with the noise.
As I type this, I hear the sounds of the princess bike my niece is sitting upon and my nephew making farting noises with his mouth as his pushes her around.
To me, that's Christmas- but that's just cause I was raised a good consumer Christian.

If you would like to send presents to the troops in Iraq you can here:
Treats for Troops
It's ok that it won't make it in time for Christmas. You can make any day Christmas for them, or a holiday - whatever you prefer.

Have a good day people, heck make it a merry one.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Resolution Wrap-Up

This year I had some lofty resolutions for myself. Here's a run down and a follow up of what happened with the resolutions, of The Sue Funke:

1. I wanted to get in shape. Well, it only took two trips to the hospital to make me realize that I really did need to do it. Thanks mysterious stomach problems!

2. I wanted to blog more. I have already beaten last year for blog posts. Yaay. Check out the tags on the side of this blog for my opinions on all sorts of stuff.

3. Go on a Date Before '08. It was conversations on gchat (otherwise known as gatting) with my friend Lindsay that made me come to the realization that I haven't been on a date since seeing the movie The Incredible Hulk with my ex. This is sad for many reasons. Most importantly: That movie was horrible, and it was several years ago.
I hoped to be invited out before the ball drop, but I'm pretty sure it's safe to say it's not going to happen. It's cool. I'd be cheating on my real boyfriend if I went out on a date this year - Comedy.
This is less sad then saying "it's ok, I've got my kittens!"
Truthfully though, Comedy is the best boyfriend ever. We go out at least two times a week. I get some drinks and dinner from him sometimes. I also laugh a ton whenever I'm with him. We're so in love!

4. Do more with Comedy. I actually wanted to make money from comedy this year, but um- yeah that's really hard. So, I changed it mid year to just doing different things. I'm happy about the work I've done this year. My act has evolved into talking about more real shit (my love life, my father's death, my nephew's cancer, etc.) and I'm stoked to put up my new videos from Comix. I've also started a sketch comedy group that will premier on stage and online next year - Keep checking my MySpace and my comedy site for information on The Ultimate Experts.

I had a great year in '07 and that was mostly because of my awesome friends. So, even if I didn't hit all my goals, I did at least have a lot of great moments from this year that will always make me smile just by thinking about. I'll take that as an accomplishment.

Best of luck in '08 everyone.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Tacky Christmas Sweater Party

Pink wanted a Christmas party, and roommate Tom and I are always down for parties so we all agreed we'd have one, but it couldn't be too serious.
So, we opted for the Tacky Christmas Sweater party theme.

Pink and I dressed in matching ridiculous outfits: holiday boxers, sweaters with bedazzled trees and pom-pom zippers, and pig tails with bells on them.
We were the most tacky of the evening.

A close second were the brunettes who rolled in looking like extra's from an 80's Christmas party. They took tacky sweaters they found and made them slutty using simple sewing techniques.

For those that weren't tacky enough, our friend Kate brought decorations that stuck to the sweaters. This included letters - that lead to some very funny impromptu logo tees.

The party consisted mostly of pals from the liar and some of my close work friends. These proved to not only be the strong (there was a disgusting winter storm that night) but also the die-hard partiers - We had less people at this party than all of our parties, but the same amount of empties to clean up...
I guess that's how the dance party broke out upstairs. It was either that or Gina playing Poison. All I know is, I ended up dancing to Madonna's Vogue. I did a routine I made up to the song and have been practicing in my room since I was about 14.
People really seemed to enjoy it, or at least they said they did between laughing and dropped jaws.

Thanks for reading my recap of my Tacky Sweater party.

Now, here's Roommate Tom with some Holiday Cheer:

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Work Out Plan

New roommate Emily's nick name around here is Pink. And as I write this I'm looking at our stockings hanging on the wall. All our names in black, except for Pink's which is written in Pink. She loves the color.
It just makes her over-the-moon happy.

Don't let the nick name fool you, she's one tough cookie.
She's also my partner in crime lately.

Today we went out to buy food and jump ropes. We're both going to be bridesmaids in '08, and we don't wanna be gross in a ton of photos.
We also don't want to give up Mexican food and cookies.

So, we figured jumping rope is fun, and cheap. Why not?

Well, in the Sports Authority we saw all sorts of fun equipment, like the perfect push up tool. It was 30 bucks though, and that's a lot around holiday time so we moved on.
Then we saw a trampoline that was 30 bucks.
We agreed that was totally worth the 15 split.

We walked out of the store:
Me with our reusable green shopping bags.
Pink with a cumbersome box that reads in giant letters TRAMPOLINE.

She walked down Steinway Street in Queens staring every passer by dead in the eye as if to say,
"Heck yeah I got a trampoline and you're jealous."
I know this because she told me that was what she was doing.

I am so excited about the trampoline. It reminds me of my sister.
When Jen lived in Queens she had a trampoline just like ours.
We would jump on it and listen to Abba Gold.

Did I mention I can wait to see my sister for Christmas?
I'm gonna go get the excited energy out by jumping on the springy trampoline.

Many thanks to roommate tom for putting together the trampoline. Shockingly, he was not as excited as we were about it. His response was a monotone "yay." and later on, "it better not scratch the floor."

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Because My Life is Boring

And gossip is soo good.

Here's my round up of great gossip:

Jessica Alba is pregnant- finally people can stop saying her body is unbelievable. Believe in those stretch marks boys.

For all you Batman geeks:
Oh man, Christian Bale all buff. I just wish Katie Holmes didn't play his love interest..what's that, it's gonna be Maggie Gyllenhaal?
I should be more careful for what I wish for.

My personal favorite piece of gossip news - apparently Britney Spears is going to be playing the Virgin Mary. She's gonna play an unwed 19 year old who happens to be around a manager in Jerusalem around Christmas during a time of rumors of the second coming of Christ.
My initial reactions to this news: 1. OMG, hilarious.
2. She'll never be sober enough to play this role.
3. This is what British television writers are up to, can you imagine what will happen if they scab it over seas
and start writing our television shows?

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Week Off Day #5

a.k.a. The Day You're All Jealous Of

Last night, I bought the following to ensure that I would not have to leave my house today:
-Bag of Baby Carrots
-Wheat Pretzels
-Herbe Mate Blueberry Tea
-Giant Bottle of Smart Water

I ate this while I watched all my wonderfully DVR'ed/and live TV shows:
-30 Rock
-Sanford and Son Christmas Special
-The Soup
-M*A*S*H "Dear Sis" Christmas Special
-Monk Christmas Special
-Psych Christmas Special
-Tila Tequila

There was a lot more, but I think those shows kind of give you a feel of how I ran the gambit. It was pretty awesome not being sick and being able to lay on the couch and watch TV for hours. Though I did get antsy from eating all that crap and not moving - so I did 500 sit ups.

Man I've changed. Eating reasonably healthy snack food and then exercising.
At least I still love TV, or else I'd be fearful that aliens took over my brain.

See what happens when I rest people?

Back to work Saturday...
Well, a fate worst than work-
I'm cleaning my room tomorrow.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Week Off Day #4

The day after my birthday I of course had my normal issues with insomnia. I woke up too early and didn't know what to do with myself.

Tom found me on the floor in front of the door sifting through bags of presents and coats trying to match my gloves. He stepped over me to head to the door and I asked, "What time did we get home last night?"

He grunted and said, "No thinking yet." and left for work.

I then went back to bed where I had crazy dreams for a couple of hours, woke back up, took a shower, and went into the dreaded midtown to run some errands.

I ended up getting hungry and stopping in Hot and Crusty which is next to a peep show-so you're not sure this is gonna be a good idea when you walk in, but I ended up having a delicious bagel with tuna and a can of coke.
That meal cost $6. I asked the lady if it was magical tuna, she got a little nervous.

After the crazy afternoon run around on feet worn-to-pain from the heels I had on all birthday day/night (being a woman sucks sometimes). I went to the organic store to buy supplies to make quesadillias for dinner.

After dinner Emily and I flopped on the couch and watched Grey's Anatomy - the episode was very disappointing and if it ever comes back (after the strike which is probably in June at the earliest) I'm not sure if I'll ever watch it again. (SPOILER ALERT!!) You've got main character's in a complicated relationship that are dealing with issues of fear and intimacy - that's a lot of drama right there - why tempt the character further with someone new? It's cheap, be emotional or be sensational, but stop with both! It's getting so tiresome. Either have them together or don't. I'm tired of you throwing in other characters to tempt Meredeth or McDreamy away from each other. It's immature writing for late night drama - that is something a soap opera would do.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Best Birthday Ever

Or, Week Off Day #3
If you have the means, I highly recommend taking the week of your birthday off.
My birthday was wonderful thanks to my amazing friends, and my great family.

I went to lunch at La Bonne Soupe which is absolutely amazing. If you're a foodie, or a lover of good restaurants get your butt to this quiet corner in midtown. Don't get me wrong, the place is hopping and you'll pretty much always wait for a seat - but it's totally worth it:

For about $17 bucks you can get the town's best French Onion Soup, Bread, Side Salad (It's really fresh lettuce and a light dressing which I even enjoy, and I'm not a salad dressing kinda gal.) AND a glass of wine. It might not sound like a lot, but trust me here people - it's delicious.

Then I went to the Paley Center for Media (formerly the Museum of Television and Radio) and went straight to the viewing library. My best friend from college, Will, met me there and we each picked one half hour sitcom to watch. See, they have this GIANT library of TV shows that you can pretty much watch any show ever made.

I picked the Cheers Thanksgiving episode "Orphans". This is probably one of the funniest television episode ever made. The reason it works is because it's a well functioning cast of characters that the actors so naturally portray - there is also a giant food fight that makes it look like the best day of "work" ever. Seriously, if I could act in anything, I'd pick recreating that episode. (When I was watching this I got a hilariously "bitter" call from my brother Mike about how he was tossed aside when I was born 26 years ago. If you think I'm at all funny, trust me when I say that my brother Mike is waaaay funnier than I am. Probably some of the funniest lines I've ever heard in my life were from him.... and not suitable for this blog.)

Will picked the pilot for the show Parker Lewis Can't Lose, because that was Will's idol when he was in school. I had never seen the show before, but of course knew of it's existence, because TV is my favorite part of life. The show is absolutely absurd, but had it's moments. My favorite part is that the gymnasium is decorated for a dance and the theme is "Remember the 80's"; the show was first aired in 1990.

Will and I then took the train downtown and he jumped off at 34th street and I went down to the office. Don't worry - I didn't do a lick of work. I came in just in time for our holiday card photo, hung out for a little bit with people not in meetings, and then went to get my nails done.

After all this fun, I was ready for my party.

At the Liar, all the regular's showed up, and had brought me many funny gifts. All silly wonderful inside joke gifts. Then there were drinks, oh were there drinks. I chose "The Pink Drink" that Shafer often makes my friend Ben Kissel. He told me what was in it at one point, but I forgot -it's that good! Work, comedy, and old friends came to hang out and enjoyed the newer, larger liar - with a foosball table. I lost at foosball, but had a pretty hilarious time trying to play and drink.

Then, the bold, the crazy, and the comedians headed to Second on Second for Karaoke. The DJ Chris had no idea what he was getting into when we rolled in. It was a very crazy music selection from Britney Spears (It is hard to do those songs when you're wasted! I'm sorry girl.) to Barry Manilow (Little known fact, I know every word to Copa Cabana.) I got my request of having Shafer do his rendition of "Your So Vain", he does it all in first person. Arthur and I did some Jimmy Buffet as well. But, the best act of the night had to be Ann and Lindsay (The Brunettes) singing Gangster's paradise. Simply amazing.

I can't thank my friends enough, for not only coming out- but for also all the great messages I received. Thanks again everyone for helping me ring in my 26th year so happily.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Week Off Day #2

I finally had a great night's sleep, with a lot of effort and tea I was able to do it.
I started the day with a ton of errands around Manhattan, which brought me through the dreaded midtown --during holiday times. I gotta tell ya, you NYC tourists are really letting me down this year.
Where the heck are ya?
The sidewalks should be thick with people but instead it's like holiday time is only for New Yorker's this year.
Maybe I should stop complaining.

The best part of the day was the evening, when I got to perform stand up twice in one night:
Once with a pumpkin pie martini in hand (they are absolutely delicious).
Once in front of the awesome audience at Comedy for the F@#! of it!

They were my last sets as 25, I relished it with a special year in review. Went over really well, if you weren't there to see it, well you should've been because it was great.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Week Off Day #1

I've had insomnia for the past week, which isn't why I took off, but it helps to be able to sleep late, even if the sleep is quite restless. I was up for about 60 hours with a total of 12 hours sleep in a 72 hour period between Friday and Sunday...which only goes to show how crazy I get without sleep, I do unnecessary math.

I have a lot to do this week, but my goal is still to have my one day on the couch/TV and Radio museum time.

I'm thinking Friday is going to be that day.

Sadly, the best part of my day off was that I was able to handle medical claims and schedule medical appointments. You might be thinking, but Sue, you can do that at work! You have a phone.

Not really.

When I make appointments I have to answer a lot of personal questions and saying things like "I need a vaginal exam." Is something I think my co-workers would be happy not to hear.

"Why don't you just duck outside or into an empty office?"

Well, outside there are people on the street who don't want to, or even worse might really want to hear about what's going on in my cabin down below.

And slipping into an empty office space could be even more frightening. Imagine your boss comes into you stealthily sitting in the dark saying things about your private parts parts...
then they'll really think I'm a phone sex operator, and not someone with just an alluring phone voice.

So, this is growing up I guess. Vacation time used to mean fun, now it's "Oh boy! I have time to take care of my health and bills!"

I'm off to go relax and help some pals decorate their Christmas tree.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

The D-day of the B-day

I could care less about age.
I love the idea of getting older.
Every year I learn new things,
meet new people,
and end up at least a little bit better at life.

I can't wait to go gray. I actually decided to stop dying my hair to see if there are any signs of silver.

But birthdays, oy. They just never seem to be what you want them to be.
December 5th should be a day of being happy to be alive, but instead it's been a day that's spurned infamy, several years over.

Like, my Sweet 16, my Dad up-and-died - so he didn't come to my simple dinner party, and more than half of my "friends" didn't show either.

Or, my 20th when I got a speeding ticket, food poisoning during my party, and my boyfriend of about 9 years decided that was a good time to let me know he had been cheating on me for months.

Or, my 24th when a female friend of mine hijacked my party and painted me as an asshole in front of friends who hadn't seen me in a while, caused a fight between me and a very close friend, and made me hysterically cry for hours.
-Shock of shocks, we're not really pals anymore.

Last year might be a turning point though.
It went much better because, well no one close to me died, cheated on me, or turned out to be a manipulative bitch...pretty much had no where to go but up at that point.

I was also performing stand-up. In fact, my first ever paying gig was on my 25th birthday.

This year, I am once again attempting a birthday party.
I feel like it might go well because I planned it with these terms:
I want to do something that I enjoy doing,
invite people I enjoy spending time with
- but if I don't like the company,
or if anything shitty happens,
I wanna be in "happy places".

These spots are the Four Faced Liar and a Karaoke bar.
Things won't seem so bad when I pull off Oops I Did It Again better than Britney herself.

I've made the following request of all my friends:
I want free alcohol and cupcakes

I've also taken the entire week off from the day job so I can actually relax for week,
and only do two jobs.
That's my present to me.

When Comedy Stops Being Funny...

And starts getting real,
Real World Comedy - NYC

At 6:30 I leave work on Friday evening and head into midtown Manhattan to host an open mic. It's in the basement of a Mexican Restaurant, owned by Koreans, that has a Hawaiian theme - "Maui Taco".

For the next five hours I register, and bring up almost 30 comedians to the make-shift stage where they "work out" their material.
They pay $5 for 8 minutes of stage time.
8 minutes might not seem very long to you.
8 minutes is a goddamn lifetime when you're in the basement of a taco joint at nine o'clock on a Friday.

The majority of the room were male comics, and by the luck of the draw they all went up before the females got to go up.
This worked out OK because females are supportive of each other and will actually wait to hear people's sets
- Unlike the testy males who sat on the other side of the room huffy that the regular host was not there.
You change things at an open mic, and you'd think you switched their coffees from regular to decaf the way they become so cranky.

The comics ranged in topics:
Some were one-liners,
Some were story tellers,
There were bi-lingual struggles,
and interpretative movement pieces,
and horrifically racist attempts at humor.

All in all, it turned out that the female comics stuck by my side to the hilarious end
where the funniest comic of the night was Mara Herron regaling us with romantic mishaps.

As I packed up the mic stand, and put away the speakers,
I was exhausted mentally and physically
but so freakin' grateful for the stage time.

See, comics are addicts.

It could be a good or bad batch of comedy,
but we need it,
endure and sacrifice anything to have it.
We need that high of one chuckle spawned from our turn of phrase-
and we can sleep a little bit better at night,
get through that arduous meeting,
sit through a painfully long train ride home,
it's all a little sweeter
just knowing that you got that laugh.

Many thanks to Hector Luis for taking the night off and letting me host the Maui Mic.
The Maui Mic is open Wednesday and Friday nights at 8pm.

For more information on my stand up performances please visit:


I had a busy week by Thursday, as you might have noticed from my previous posts, this week it's been a deadline/triple-job-everyday week - except for Thursday.

On Thursday I had only my day job to do, and then I was going home to relax.

When I got home though, new roommate Emily wanted to go to the mall, and having not been to a mall in quite sometime I figured what-the-hey! Why not get some window-shopping-pre-christmas-inspiration done?

Well, after trekking the Queens Mall end-to-end, we decided we needed "just one beer" at our local pub.

As we sat and chatted we realized that we were two of four females in the place, and it was wall-to-wall men. Quite a lovely ratio for two single gals such as ourselves. There was an uproar directed at the screens and it finally dawned on us, we were in the midst of Thursday Night Football - Cowboys v. The Packers.

We dodged and weaved in our chairs through our conversations as we watched the game and eventually got hooked. "That play was bull! Did ya see his foot!...So, yeah, anyway, maybe just one more drink, it is only the third quarter."

I think my favorite part about watching the game was the men's reactions to our reactions.
"Oh, you know about football?"
"You understand what's going on up there?" one says to me as he points to the television screen.

I wondered what they expected my response to be exactly.
"Oh no, I thought something went horrible awry with the Hills and they had to do some sort of challenge and this was it. "

When the game ended we went up to settle the tab and it turned out some of the guys had paid for our drinks and purchased another round. We sat and talked with them for a little while until one of the other bartenders came in with a guitar. The regulars were able to coax the guitar out of it's case and we all ended up singing Johnny Cash, and Irish folk, songs. I, of course, requested A Boy Named Sue. None of us seemed to know the entire song, but we did a rather funny, good-hearted attempt at it.

The hours seemed to fly by that night, and roommate Tom failed to join us due to his eternal love for pepperoni pizza. This of course meant retaliation of some sort for missing the fun.
As Emily unlocked our front door she turned to me and said, "Jump on Tom's bed in three."

"Oh, Em, I dunno if this is a good idea."
"One..." she said with a devious grin.
"He's most likely passed out, and there's a chance we could get injured by a Domino's box."
"Two..."she said as she turned the knob of the door.
"You're gonna do it no matter what I say aren't you?"
She nodded as she finished the count and flung the door open -
"THREE!" we both shouted as we bounded straight down the hall and burst into his room hitting the light and diving onto his bed.

I've never seen someone more frightened.

He didn't kill us. He ended up catching our infectious laughter as he threatened us though. We then left him to sleep and resumed our jovial romping and singing around the apartment. Downstairs we went through my closet to look at whatever fun thing laid on top and I found the most fun thing of all.

My advanced birthday gift from my sister:
A hooded towel that looks like a butterfly from
(I highly recommend clicking on that link to see the image of this awesome towel...and perhaps buying one for yourself and everyone you love.)
We then took turns wearing the towel and acting like buffoons.

During our last flutter around the kitchen, and verse of Ring of Fire, we realized the clock on the stove was telling us that it was no longer Thursday, it was Friday. The impressions that we had built of it being a weekend shattered, and we hung the towel up and headed to bed to rest a few hours before heading out to what would no doubt be, a long day of work.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

As Long as We're All Just Really Good Looking

I love this New D&G Ad (I started seeing it around the holiday season-Thanksgivingish 2007)

There's a twist

The guy was going to meet his boyfriend and the girl was going to see her girl friend!
They're gay and lesbian couples.
This blog about it says that it might take place in"Gay City... or New York City."
I kind of hope this is every city - do you see how beautiful these men are?!?!
I would watch these guys watch paint dry.

I know they're purposefully being controversial here. I mean they do it a lot and not always so tastefully:

I do have to say though, I like the fact that the Christmas ad is pro-same sex relationships,
and...oh man I'm sorry I just can't stop looking at that guys hot chest and have stopped caring about the fact that this kinda looks like a gang bang.

Oh man, I've really gotta go spend money I don't have on this brand! Then I can be super hot and be in super sexy situations, too.