A couple of weeks ago, roommate Tom and I were in a cab at 3AM.
We were drunk. (obviously)
And we decided that it was finally the appropriate time for us to do something we've long joked about doing. We were finally going to go to SCANDALS, a strip club that we pass on our cab rides home.
"I'm serious, we're gonna do this," said Tom as he held onto his BMT sandwich from Subway.
"So am I!" I said as I swung my tuna sub for emphasis.
"Are you sure you're not a lesbian?"
"Positive. I just want to see how bad it is. If my careers totally bottom out, I'll know what I have to look forward to."
"I'm serious about doing this."
"So am I!"
He then asked the cabby if he wanted to see titties.
The cabby did not. No matter how persuasive Tom tried to be,
"It's on me. You need to see titties. It helps you drive better. I'll buy you a beer."
"Tom, he's gotta drive he can't drink."
"Don't be a wuss. You can't be a wuss about this. He's obviously not a wuss. He's a man that wants to see titties with us."
He did not.
We got out of the cab, Tom put on his glasses, and we stumbled over to the SCANDALS entrance. We were greeted by a very large bouncer who looked at us long and hard with our subway sandwiches and me covered in my laptop bag and giant purse.
We were obviously not regulars to this club circuit. He told us to get our ID's out.
Then, three men walk in. One of them explains that he and his friends don't need to pay, they're friends of Crystal. The bouncer goes and gets another bouncer. The head bouncer comes over and looks cautiously at Tom swaying and then address the group of three men.
At this time I heard the most amazing statement ever.
"Yeah, I'm Crystal's brother. "
This dude brought his friends to see his sister strip, because of this he got to cut us.
Tom, kinda out of it trying to get his ID, missed this exchange and starts to make a fuss about the fact that we've been cut. This is when Head Bouncer says, "They're not allowed in".
Maybe if Tom was related to someone we would've been in.
The night wasn't a total loss. We went to our local bar and told them our tale of woe.
We received free Irish Car Bombs for our sad tale.