Has come to the complete climatic collision I was waiting for.
It's horrifically petty of me, but I have a secret battle with Britney Spears.
She is my age.
And she's made more money than me since I was a teenager.
She is retarded.
And I am an intelligent woman.
WHY IS SHE FAMOUS AND NOT ME??!?!!??
I honestly push myself to do all the sit ups I do because I'm like,
Britney does like 500 a day.
If that stupid blonde can do it, I totally can.
She's been making horrible decisions lately, we've all seen it.
You can't escape it.
So, tonight I was sooo eager to see how the VMA performance would be.
Because last week she went out without wearing pants.
How is she going to pull off sexy a week after she was that obviously not ok?
I justified my eagerness to see Brit's performance with the following story:
Ya know that person who's a real addict
and they start getting so messed up
that they get messed up at work
and mess up at work
and make a complete ass of themselves?
Well, this time it's going to be televised.
And honestly folks, she's gone.
Watch this and tell you would pay to see this in concert:
Britney's MTV performance brought to you by MTV
I hope she gets some serious mental help.
I also hope to steal her salary while she's down.
What!?! Come on, don't even act like you don't want crazy amounts of money.
In other recaps of the awards -
Justin Timberlake is totally cool for using the show to call MTV out for not playing music videos anymore.
Kayne is an amazing performer and I totally want to get his new albulm and dance to it in my basement for hours.
Sarah Silverman reminded me about how annoying insulting female comedians are getting.
Can't we have a famous comedian with some hubris?
You can come see my shows and see that this week!