I haven’t been sleeping well these days.
You can ask my friends and family,
even co-workers and fellow comics.
Everyone I know can tell that I haven’t slept,
even without me having to bitch
“I haven’t slept in weeks!”
My sleep patterns might have to do with a drinking binge
Or the fact that I work a full time job
Then I go out to open mics and meetings with comics
And I usually don’t get home until midnight
And then I stay up and work on the internet
For either my day job or my comedy aspirations
I’m averaging 4 hours of sleep
Usually interrupted by me waking up in a panic
Sure that I forgot to do something,
or that I need to do something
It’s not a fun way to sleep
Last Tuesday I woke up
And I was literally singing
The lyrics to the Liz Phair song “Fuck and Run”
The chorus is “I want a boyfriend”
and I would like the kind of guy who makes love cause he’s in it.
But I just don’t see that happening anytime soon.
When am I supposed to meet and cultivate this relationship
when I work approximately 20 hours a day?
This is why I go back to an idea I had years ago
It’s boyfriend in a box!
He’s there when you need him, holidays, lonely nights, weddings.
And then goes back in the box when you’re busy.
I think I should write a note to Matel asking for them to kindly
Create and send me a boyfriend in a box as soon as possible.
Then maybe I’d sleep.