Sunday, September 17, 2006

I'm a Quitter

I will never smoke another cigarette again.

My last cigarette was midnight, Friday, September 15, 2006.

Don't congratulate me.

It's disgusting how long I've smoked, and how sick I got from it, and my quitting is something people should be indignant about.

I want your response to be, "it's about time you f-tard.", "Smooth move Einstein, you realized cigarettes are killing you. People have only been telling you that since 1981."

I smoked cigarettes off and on for 12 years... and I don't even come from a trailer trash upbringing. I was up to a pack to a pack-and-a-half a day at times the past couple of months.

I couldn't breath on Friday morning - I realized it was time to stop.

I went to buy nicorette to help me get through my show at the Improv Cafe last night,
so I walked into the Duane Reade, got a bottle of water and walk up to the counter:

"I'd like a pack of nicorette."

"That's sold in the pharmacy. The pharmacy is now closed."

My face reflects my crushed spirit.

"The pharmacy will open at 9am tomorrow."

I'm down right nervous now, scanning the gums along the counter trying to find a substitute.

"I can sell you cigarettes instead," she says with no irony in her voice.

REALLY?!

I bought a pack of trident and used her stupidity as my opening bit.

Thanks Duane Reade, you really know how to help a gal out with her health.

8 comments:

wineshine said...

Congrats on qutting Sue. 11/15 will be three years for me. My doctor told me once, "one day you'll hate them (cigs) more than you love them, and that's when you'll quit". Thankfully, that happened. Keep it up.

Rizoh said...

congrats! stay a quitter on this one.

GreenEggsSamDC said...

Trident is only $1.25. A pack of cigarettes is $7+ in NYC. You should congratulate yourself by buying a pint of ice cream with the money you saved. Congrats though!

Angelina said...

Sam, you're so positive today! Please tell me you just finished the four agreements....

AHAH!

dannyguy said...

similar thing happened to me-- i went to Duane Reade while the pharmacy was open. I asked for a pack of Nicoderm. It was $50. I couldn't afford it, so I go a pack of cigarettes instead...

Another time, I went to get Nicoderm, and they asked me for an ID. I didn't have one, so they wouldn't sell me the Nicoderm. I went to a deli nearby and got a pack of cigarettes instead.

Thanks Duane Reade!

Elle C said...

Good job. I keep telling my best friend to quit and he goes on and off -- but I'm not exactly clean either. Whenever I drink, I bum cigarettes off of other people and chain smoke. Social smoking? Definitely not the best habit, and one I should put an immediate halt to.

Nick (Space Guide) said...

Too funny! The Duane Reade story, not the quitting. For that, I'm most happy. I want my friends to stick around for a long long time. Congratultaions and stay strong. Sit down and calculate what you can buy yourself with the money you save. That should be a strong motivator.

The Bushophobic said...

Smoking cuts short amazing lives...

Check out www.bouhafa.com

He just died 2 weeks ago, of lung cancer, at age 60, after smoking his adult life...

A totally cool, amazing guy, whose life could have gone on many more years if not for cigarettes...

Don't go there...

You want to be that wrinkled old bat, wits intact, who everyone else wants to listen to because you're so damn funny and so damn cool even though you're 80!!!