Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Funke Security System

I live alone.
I not only live alone, I also live about a half hour away from anyone I really know and an hour alone from the nearest relative or best friend. The thought has crossed my mind that there’s a good chance that I may die a Law & Order type death.

And I don’t necessarily mean a homicide. I’m talking more of a neighbor being like “what is that stench?”- discovery kind of death.

Not to say my building isn’t safe, but you never know what kind of nutty people are out there waiting to get in here.

So sometimes, when I’m laying in bed trying to fall asleep and I hear a noise, I get a little nervous that someone is climbing in my kitchen window from the fire escape making his way into my bed room to kill me because I didn’t say God Bless you to him on the subway ride home.
I go through panic mode, a mode I easily slip into, and am highly functional in.
How close am I to my cell phone?
I can get to the phone but he’ll see me, what do I have to hit him with?
…and then I visualize my living room (which he’d have to walk through from the kitchen to get to my bedroom.
Well, there are shoes in the hallway, the big DVR box that I still haven’t parted with and hop over, oh and the blue pillow that fell off the couch that you can’t really see in the dark, oh and I think I dropped some of the mail on the floor today too…

And then I snuggled into my comfy bed and I feel all better because I know that any rapist, murderer, or burglar would most likely trip and break his neck before reaching my bedroom.
This epiphany not only helps me sleep at night, and helps me realize that I’m not a slob, I’m a protective paranoid who is secure alone in her apartment with all the possessions she is smart enough never to throw out.
This is way is also cheaper than any fancy system with buttons and back up.

***New Edition***
I found out that my version of security is not the only Funke Security brand out there.

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