Monday, February 27, 2006

Go with your gut

What do you do if your guts busted?
I mean physically, I went out last Tuesday for some drinks, some how got a giant bruise on my kidney. I've been told that when in a fight, kidney shots are the harshest.
I wonder if I did get into a fight...
All I know is now : I don't have my laundry (long story)
I can't sleep soundly (insomnia and the kidney bruise combined making it rough)

So right now, I need to make a gut decision, but my gut is busted, so what should I trust now?
Go with your heart
Well, I'm a big fan of bacon but somehow I have low blood pressure, that just doesn't seem right, and when it comes to the figurative love notion of the heart, well that is covered in cobwebs.
Think it over, you've got logic on your side
I haven't slept, and I'm a little bit like Fight Club a la Funke here.
There were times over the past couple of weeks that I really didn't know whether I was dreaming or awake. Which either is possible because I have a crazy life and some vivid dreams.

So how should I come to a conclusion on a decision I need to make so I can sleep?
  • Count sheep via eni, meani, miney, moe
  • Flip a coin until I pass out
  • Draw Straws that are scented lavender so they soothe me to sleep
Who knows how I'll make a decision, or sleep?
For now, I'm just floating above my reality waiting for something to bring me down to where I really belong, along the flat shores where waves crash but people stand firm.

Well, at least tonight there's a new episode of 24 to watch, I mean I might have my issues but I'm no Jack Bower...does anyone else feel like watching an episode of 24 is like a weekly installment of Die Hard? Maybe it's just because I was raised on Moonlighting.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

I have an hour to get ready, so I blog

Yes, I have not showered nor packed, it's 2PM and I'm getting picked up in an hour to go upstate to see In Pieces if you are not aware of who this band is, you should be.

This blog post isn't really about me being stinky and procrastinating though, it's about how much I miss "Arrested Development".
Actual Blog Title: The Fox Network is Ruining my life

"Arrested Development" ending is the sad state of the piss poor executive staff at the fox network. They are keeping on "Stacked", they are making us endure another season of American Idol, which by the way I only watch occasionally so I can function in mainstream society. What is it with people and this show? I sat through the entire Clay Akin season in college, I can't get those hours back of my life. If I want to hear an asshole cut people down I'll go to liar and drink with my friend Tom, he doesn't have a british accent, but we also won't have to deal with people trying to sing poorly.

Anyway, the Fox Network puts on tripe and takes away the best shows. If you are going to make people watch American Idol, throw the rest of us intelligent television viewers a bone (not "Bones") and keep Arrested on the air. Why hand off the prestiege of being an emmy winning network? Oh the injustice of television.
Now You may be reading this and saying, "but Sue, calm down, Showtime might pick it up".
Hey You,
I already pay for HBO to feed my Sopranos addiction, now I need to add on Showtime too?
Don't get me wrong, I love television, I will pay for television, but I also love beer, and once in a while, I need to eat.
So please Fox, help me remain a chubby, social drinker and just keep Arrested Development on the air.
I kind of feel like this is the "Family Guy" fiasco all over again.
This is why republicans shouldn't be allowed to have television stations.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Was anyone else covered by that shit storm last week?

Also tittled: Way to start a blog and not post.
Also tittled: WTF? Where's the Funke??

There are a lot of things about living in New York that can make a person go crazy.

Standing on a platform waiting for a train that might not come because who the hell knows when it's "late night" in New York City? There's a buzz that is drowning out the conversation of two men who aren't so much as waiting for the train as they are waiting for their break-up. Every time I look up I seem to make awkward eye contact with one of them, or see a giant rat frolic with a tiny rat across the tracks.

So, I keep my eyes on the ground, the yellow line that seems to be crawling with germs due to the caked spit, grease and gum that stains its already crude color, I stand behind but use the corners of my eyes to ensure there's nothing that could knock me over the edge - you never know when crazy can strike in Manhattan.

All these odd, annoying things around me, and I feel so comfortable. The yellow line is fireside and I know these men, and their plight, and we're all warm in our steamy underground livingroom.

Oh me and my heavy handed irony.
I was most likely the most crazy person on the tracks because of the crappy week that I had, and none of it had to do with the pressures of living in New York City.

I'm not sure if this means I'm at the point of insanity, or "true New Yorker".

All I do know is, I think life will be ok when Lost
comes back on next Wednesday. This last week they played the pilot episode over again, I'm sorry but if you haven't net flixed or borrowed season 1 already, why bother watching this?
I can only hope that next weeks episode is somehow tied into the pilot and something amazingly interesting is going to occur and the moment of that action will propel through the season finale making Lost the truly most orgasmic show on primetime since Homicide: Life on the Street.

Anyone care to challenge that?

Saturday, February 18, 2006

The First Funke Blog

Hi Everybody!

I already have a blog. It's on myspace*. So it doesn't really count because, as a friend of mine recently pointed out, myspace has kind of become Williamsburg** online; therefore, I can't really say I'm blogging when most of the people who read it are my friends and random hipsters, although I don't know how far reaching my audience for this blog will stretch past this crowd, I feel it has a better chance of being viewed by a more diverse readership.

So this is my official blog, I'm taking the "plunge".
What will 'The Sue Funke' blog be about?

My comical views on my life (similar to my stand-up routine)

My analysis of television

Some political and religious views, because I like to stir shit up


all my deep feelings and aspirations...

I'm fucking with you about that last part.

So thanks for stopping by and reading the first message.


*myspace isn't just a profile site, it's an addictive way to keep up on friends and music for me. I signed up to it to keep in touch with some cool cats I'm fortunate enough to now consider friends that I met in the Cut (Connecticut) and two years later I'm still droppin' comments and posting my comedy shows.

**For those of you who aren't aware, Williamsburg is a part of Brooklyn that used to be a predominantly Jewish and Puerto Rican neighborhood but is now a place for "hipsters" to be seen, to me it reminds me of high school, where everyone is very carefully dressed to be looked at and are in groupings, not really friends, but they're together because they are all the same kind of click. I've been there maybe four times tops, so my opinion may change, but I know I'm not alone in my feelings.